Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Somewhere along the ride we lost our way

My family and I used to live in CO. we moved back to WA a little over a year ago. Washington state was where my husband and I grew up. We missed our little town with our family so after nearly two years on our adventure to Colorado we decided it was time to come home again.
Things this year turned out pretty well. We FINALLY bought a home of our own! It's small and a fixer upper which is exactly what we wanted. We get to create out own home from this odd and broken one. 
Except there is just something not right. 
I get the sense of it every now and again. Where is that home is where the heart is? That perfect blissful feeling?
To be honest I have no clue. 
Our awful little apartment in Colorado was that bliss. We felt perfect. We felt whole. We felt at home. Why now that we have that home to call our own and back in the place we grew up as home does it feel empty? 
We missed our family dearly that was the biggest motivation to come back. Yet I think that in our far away home we were able to be us, be that little family we needed to be. Here we can't seem to find that contented feeling. 
I think I find the fault in myself more than anything. I was super mom in Colorado, currently I feel like I just skim by. 
This post isn't to feel sorry for me. But I assume that many of us feel like this at some point or another. Even though I'm feeling sub par as a mom with this weird feeling of not fitting in just right, it's all part of life. The ups and downs we all experience. 
All I can try to do is to search through myself and find whatever piece I seemed to drop on that 1200 mile drive. I want so badly to bake away and do my crafts and play hard with my kids. I just want more, I want the peace we all had in Colorado. 
Here's to making the best improvements on myself this coming year so that we can find our little perfection again. 

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