Monday, May 6, 2013

That awkward moment as a single mom…

…when you see a hot guy at the grocery store and your boob starts to leak.

I've encountered a lot of awkward moments since being a “dating mom” and they all seem to happen at really inopportune times.  For example, today…
I’m at the gas station, pumping some good ol' 87 into my run-down Escape and a truck full of very attractive men pull up, smiling and doing the usual head nod.  When I finish pumping and pull out of the gas station, I get a nice little smile and wave from a cutie with the truck… then it happens- he spots the two car-seats in the back occupied by screaming children. 
Well, there goes that one.

I never noticed how many attractive men there were in the world when I was a “non-single” mama. 
Favorite place to go?? The grocery store, HANDS DOWN!

The grocery store holds all of my favorite things in life.  I like to call it my One Stop Shop.
Food? CHECK! Booze? CHECK!  Weird people? CHECK!  Single men? DOUBLE CHECK!
The booze aisle to me is like the clearance rack at Neiman Marcus for an upper middle class house wife; I walk up and down the aisle checking out all the drinking opportunities and the nice pecks on the man standing by the Guinness.  At least he has good taste, right? 
And here we go again… my right boob decides NOW is the perfect time to let down and I look like an idiot staring at the delicious man with boob juice all over my mom shirt.  As long as he hasn't spotted me yet, I get the perfect opportunity to day dream about our flawless life together… 
~He lets me sleep in till 8am in the mornings while taking care of my children, tells me I'm hot in my yoga pants, and loves the way I wear that sports bra~
Oh crap, I’m drooling and he’s staring at my dripping shirt.

I’m not asking for much in a man, just the basics.
-Shared love of food and booze.  Obviously.
-Same crude sense of humor.
-Slight nerd card. 
-Undying love for the San Diego Chargers. WOOP WOOP!

So until I find that dude… or any sexy piece of man for that matter, I’ll be roaming the grocery store aisles with boob juice on my shirt, drooling at all the cuties that walk by.
Sounds attractive, doesn't it?

Single mama of two pooping machines

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